I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
