dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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