So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
