they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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