Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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