I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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