i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you have to choose: penises or morals?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
