My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
