Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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