My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
