I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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