I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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