Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
