Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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