I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
