Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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