i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
