I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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