We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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