What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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