Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
