he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
