i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
