forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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