I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
