you're like a bully in the Christmas story
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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