hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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