sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
