Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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