i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize