I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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