Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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