from now on my penis is your penis
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
