Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
