I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
