Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
