My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
be right there i have to get my cape
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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