My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
