Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
