I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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