oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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