What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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