let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
