I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
