Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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