you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
