Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
