Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
