I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I will be naked everywhere
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
