You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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