small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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