So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
