i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
