So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
