We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
