i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
