I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
