the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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