I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize