Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was like giving head to a cactus.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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