remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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