Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize