Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
