They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
