Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize