So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I need water and some morals
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
