She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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