I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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