Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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