The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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