is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
