Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
