thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
